"Since the dawn of history, mankind has wanted to destroy the sun."
-Monty Burns, The Simpsons
Thanksgiving in Texas
So my girl and I go to Texas for Thanksgiving. Many funny and stupid things ensued. First, let's get the details out of the way.
I hung out with some deer. My girl fed some tiny horses. We watched the sun rise. Everyone should do this once in awhile.
Much catfish and BBQ was consumed. No photos were taken of this, you'll just have to take my word for it.
-Now on to the good stuff- guns and credit-
There are several things you can count on in Texas. You will see the phrase 'Cowboy Up' more than you ever wanted to. People will be more polite on the road. And there will be weaponry...oh yes there will.
Hell yes. I can't start my day without a pot of coffee and a little gun news. What are guns doing today? I read the gun sports and the gun comics, mostly. After that, I fantasize about a set of knives, wishing I could somehow acquire them all in one place. If only someone would make such a set...
Also, I was impressed with one gas station's insistence that I have access to their credit cards. Lord knows if you have to take a crap in a gas station, you need some reading material. Also useful for when the toilet paper runs out.
My dad and his brother once got simultaneous speeding tickets coming into the same Texas town from opposite directions, so of course my father gets pulled over as we are trying to get to the airport on this trip. The cop rolls up to the passenger side of our vehicle, where I'm sitting. We are all irritable because the airport has decided not to let us find it.
The cop says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
My dad says, "No, no I don't."
"I clocked you at eighty."
"Well, I haven't seen a speed limit sign, and don't know what it is."
"Sir, the speed limit here is sixty, but it's not eighty anywhere in the state."
"Are you going anywhere special today?"
And there it was, the cop opening the door for my dad to give him some sort of excuse for his speed. Did I mention we were trying to catch a plane? Naturally, my dad says,
"No, not really."
You can't make this stuff up.
Eventually, the cop decides my dad is relatively harmless, and let's us off with a warning. Nice.
-A word about Dallas/Fort Worth airport-
The strategy for finding DFW is not to drive towards Dallas and look for signs. It seemed like a good plan, but proved worthless. This is because the signs go like this: There is a sign that says, 'DFW exit ahead'. Then, nothing. This led to the drive around aimlessly for twenty minutes and suddenly find the airport strategy. Clumsy, but effective.
At the airport, the confusion was far from over. Gates here are apparently in two different places. They have signs that say, 'Shop DFW for the holidays'. Who has time to shop at the airport? People who miss their planes because they can't find their gate, that's who. Sheer genius.