DAMNED GENTLEMEN INDEX

So here comes this gang of idiots in Maryland, to illustrate a point.

We'll get back to the point, but first, let's introduce the players of Team Douchebag:

Michael Steele: Lt. Governor of Maryland, Republican, Candidate for Senate, Black man.
Steny Hoyer: Maryland Congressman, Democrat, White boy.
An audience of black businessmen: Innocent bystanders.
John Gibson: Executive Director, Maryland Republican Party, Race unclear.
Doug Heye: Spokesjerk for Michael Steele

So Steny(Steny?) is introducing some tool to an audience of black businessmen, and in referring to Michael Steele (His buddy's campaign rival) he says Steele follows the Republican line "slavishly". No reaction at the time at all. This was the appropriate response. But our good friends the Democrats and Republicans say, 'Fuck that, we're going to have a Spaz Party! It's Spaztacular!'

Fingers come out to point. Cats and dogs screwing in the streets, hair-pulling, wailing women everywhere, society crashing down around us all.

Gibson is the first apoplectic on the scene, flipping about the blatant 'slavery' reference.

Heye chimes in with some bullshit as well, making it clear that Steele is not down with that smack.

Steny promptly apologizes.

What a bunch of tools, just out doing a hard-days work. They're job is to work for you, which apparently consists entirely of finding something the other guys did and pointing at it like the frigging Bomb just went off.

First, let's address Mr. Gibson. Sir, the word 'slavishly', as well as 'slave', 'slavery', and 'enslave', and also 'apple', all existed before blacks were 'enslaved' in 'America'. There have been slaves since there have been kings. Don't be such a possessive bastard, you were never even a slave. But millions of all races across all time have been, not just 19th century blacks in America. The word clearly means 'to act in a slave-like manner' you ass. Quit your stupid whining and get back to being a corrupt jerk.

As for Steny Hoyer, I can't think of anything bad he's done, and I don't care enough to research it, but he's a politician, so he's obviously a tool. And why apologize for using a common english word like anyone who speaks common english and has that word in their vocabulary would use it? Criminettly!

Doug Heye, well his job is to tell you what some other dude says. Straight Toolsville.

Michael Steele was not sitting on my couch when I wrote this, so he has no comment.

--Back to the point--

The point is, both of the parties, Dems and Repubs, spend all of their time pointing at each other. Or pointing off into the distance. Or pointing at you. They just never get around to doing anything reasonably and efficiently. Probably because there's no votes or money in it.

Just because these bastards get indignant and offended when the wind blows the other way, doesn't mean you and I should.

Fucking Ruiners. Try not to let them make you hate everybody.

November 7, 2006: The Day The Republicans Won

I wish to go on record as saying that the Republican plan worked perfectly on Election Day, 2006. They started taking advantage of it the very next day by firing Donny Rumsfeld, a complete tool and buffoon. Courtesy of the American School of Being an Overpaid CEO.

Anyway, he's out, but the Dems are in. In up to their asses in a fucked up mess. Somewhere in a bunker deep beneath the White House, Bush, Rummy and the gang are hoisting brandy snifters full of scotch and toasting to their success.

Here's how I figure it to go...

The Democrats, although only moved from 'non-existent' to 'minor player', feel like they just won the Super Bowl. In fact, they've fallen right into the trap-they have to try to fix this helluva mess. Good luck with that:

IRAQ- There are only two choices for the Dems here: Get out and get the fuck out. Too bad American kids will have again died over stupid shit that most Americans can't really get behind. So by 2008, the GOP will be able to say, "We tried to spread Democracy and peace and Arby's everywhere, and we were THIS CLOSE to winning (whatever that means) in Iraq. And then those pussy Democrats came in and cut and run. Now look at us, whupped and embarrassed in the world. You want your kids to grow up with that monkey on their back? Let's get back to whuppin' commie ass."
THE BUDGET- We're in big damned trouble here. Markets are tanking all over, jobs are going overseas, cheap shit is taking over America's stores, millions of people are doing thankless unfulfilling underpaid jobs, holding out til payday. Also, there's a fucking war on, which no matter how much you want it to can't just come to a grinding halt and everybody gets on planes and boats and heads back to the good old USA. The deficit is running up like a mad demon, the health care system is in shambles. Ditto the education system. Social security...cripes, I could go on, but you get the idea. There's only one way to solve this the Two-party-system way: Tax the bejebus out of us. That 300 bucks you got a year or two ago will start to look damn good a year or two from now.
FAGS- I'm only going to say this one more frica frassing time: Who cares if gays get married? You are killing me with this stupid 'defense of marriage' stuff. Let's stop Congressmen and Clergymen from screwing little boys, or girls for that matter, and let grown men live with other grown men. If they occasionally give each other a Dirty Sanchez, who cares? If they are willing to put up with each other for years, and not be criminals, who gives a damn if they get a tax break or some friggin health benefits? Rich assholes who want to stay rich assholes, that's who. But you shouldn't. Leave the morality to Jebus, and be happy they're not heisting your car, doing crack, and making babies. The Dems will surely make some minor foray into this arena, shake their bootie to the disco beat, and get smeared for it in 08.
IMMIGRATION- Yeesh.
AIRPORT SECURITY- No one will ever hijack an American jetliner with box cutters again. I don't care if everyone on the flight has a friggin Rambo knife. Fool me once, so the saying goes. Can I just get on the damn plane?
T.V.- T.V. is stupid. It's only going to get stupider. Stupid tends to lean hard right or left. In T.V.'s case, right seems to be the current path. When Bush retires, T.V. will make a sit-com about an ex-president with eerily similar qualities, and his hilarious adventures in his retirement from relevancy. In the meantime, it will busy itself making you buy shit at McDonald's.
JOBS- As long as Americans want to buy super cheap crap made for pennies, and millions of people around the world are willing to make that cheap crap for pennies, we're in a damned mess here. American industry needs to bite the bullet and make a quality product. I'll pay a few more bucks for a car not made of plastic that won't rust out in five years and gets 30 miles per friggin gallon. Dammit. There's only one way to solve this the Two-party-system-way: Tax the bejebus out of us.
TERRORISTS- Double secret yeesh.
HILLARY CLINTON- I don't know who the hell thinks this is a good idea. Seriously.
BUSH IS STILL THE PRESIDENT- So good luck getting anything done anyway. Then you're just the do-nothing-Democrats, who just want to tax the bejebus out of us, and probably also rich people. So that'll look good on the résumé.
RICK SANTORUM- This tool is finally gone, instantly making the overall GOP I.Q. 12 points higher. Rummy's gone. Other douchebags will go soon, and the Republicans will make themselves over with a fresh young crowd of greedy bastards, making the Dems look even more tired and outmoded. The GOP will let Ted Kennedy get some facetime to reinforce this point.

All of this will come together in 2008, and the stupid GOP will trot out some bastard who will win, and the ruining of things will go on. It's the perfect plan. Except I sussed it out, so they'll undoubtedly have me whacked to protect their dastardly plan. Unless...