I guess you could consider this a mission statement of sorts. I recommend that everyone who wishes to e-mail or spazz out read this first. It may help to clear up useless effort and vitriol on your part. Peace.
Be advised- there's cursing, sexism, slander, bullshit, and plenty of outright lies. Sometimes the F-word is the only word that will fit in that demanding space between two other words. If it isn't your cup o' tea, I understand. Homestar Runner is a great site with none of the above, you might try that one. I also recommend Orisinal.com, because the games are so cute and non-violent.
Don't jump to conclusions. Just because I dismiss everything you hold dear on one page doesn't mean I don't validate everything you hold dear on the next page. I'm a catch like that. Complex, yeah...
Don't let me decide anything for you ; everyone's got a mama, and I ain't yours.
I try to remember that if I wasn't there, I'll never really know what happened. Hell, you get three different versions from three people who were all there and saw the same damned thing. So try to ease up on your facts.
You might think by the way I hammer Republicans that I hate them, and I do. But they only get the bulk of the blame because they are the primary Ruiners now. I hate Democrats, too, and when they get back on top it'll be their heads on the block.
Anyone who claims to be a Democrat or a Republican is stupid, lazy, or afraid. Stupid enough to let an affiliation decide for them, or not really 100% D or R, but too lazy to stand for their own beliefs, or too afraid of what their 'friends' might think of them. Jebus.
The once prototypical American Democracy is now run by the ever-culpable corporate culture, and of course, professional politicians who owe everyone, pay those they owe lavishly and at great cost to the nation at large, pocket as much of my money as they can, redirect the rest to their friends, work hard to pit everyone against everyone and distract the people with fooferah while they pillage. The two party system makes a mockery of the individual nature of freedom and encourages a stifling status quo that yokel and tycoon seem to find equally comforting. You both suck as well.
If you see a grammatical error, I ment it. Dictionaries are for losers, mostly.
Every quote on this site was rigorously researched and triple cross-referenced for accuracy by the esteemed Midgets Of Mighty Minds Agency Society, a society which has failed to exist in all of recorded history, so far. All Bush quotes are absolutely accurate and cross researched. Most come from a desk calendar called 'Bushisms' that is two years old, but I just can't throw out.
I strive to take time off, and so should you, so don't hassle me about updating.
If you don't like the layout, I'd love to have you send your design ideas to that guy over there. No, not that one.
If you identify a legit glitch, well, thanks.
Don't be confused about the fact that Damned Gentlemen is predominantly one guy, Me. Whenever you see 'we', it's happenstance or stupidity, or I meant to say 'we'.
Why did I (say/do) that thing you don't agree with? Because, that's why.
Midgets are absolutely hilarious. Height-impaired people are boring.
I'll see your point, and raise you an I'm still right.
I try to keep the trash can uncovered. Try to throw something away when there's nowhere to throw it. Sucks, don't it?
Everything on this site is suspect, just like Fox News. Do some friggin research if you want to know the truth.
Sometimes The Truth is just The Truth. I frequently disagree with and get mad at The Truth so much I want to strangle it's bony little throat. But no amount of spin, bullshit or subterfuge will change The Truth, and nothing you or I say or do can change it's inherent truthness. It's just The Truth. Sometimes The Truth flies in the face of some belief we hold near to our bosom, a belief we have always known. A belief that tells us to fight, to give The Truth five across the face. We can either 'stay the course' against a change that scares us, or we can pick our shattered and ignorant beliefs up of the floor, drop them in the ashcan, and feel connected to the universe just a little bit more. Resistance is truly futile, my friend. It's just the Damned Truth.
OK, that ought to hold you for awhile. Keep a weather eye, for they run up the storm warning when I step into the room. Especially when I'm gassed up, but especially when I'm gassed up.
"It's a joke! Whenever you look at me like that, it's a JOKE!"
-Krusty the Clown, The Simpsons
TOOLS OF THE TRADE:
Just so you know how easy it is for a total idiot like myself to produce a website that is as essential to the future of mankind as this one is, a list of all the tools I use is below. Please feel free to follow in our illustrious footsteps, although you obviously will never reach the brilliant pinnacle of human talent that I occupy. It's only a one bedroom up here, anyway.
The Nerve Center: An HP Pavilion dv1000 Spec. Ed., with a nearly worthless CompUSA wireless mouse. It's cool only because the USB sensor fits into the mouse for travel. I have some thoroughly unremarkable GE "speakers" as well.
The Cameras: A Mustek 4mp camera, which only sucks because it has no flash, and a Finepix A345 by Fuji. Also. a very cool mini-tripod and batteries for days.
The Printer: An HP Photosmart 2575, which prints, scans, copies, and has a sexy little screen whereby one may view and print photos right off the camera. This was pretty much the prime selling point, and it's been used like that exactly no times.
The Software: I use Web Page Maker V2 to layout the site, augmented by custom code yoinked from my stupid friends who don't know I'm exploiting them. I edit most of the photos and art with Paint...yes, really, and the HP photo editor that came with the laptop. Again, yes, really. It's not the tool, but the application of one's super-genius to the usification of the tool. In your face easier, better programs that I don't feel like finding!
"Philosophers...they all suck."
-Henry David Thoreau
I have an unfortunate habit of updating this particular page in the middle, or at odd points. So, where this has occurred I will make the recently updated text This Color.